For the past week we've been having some very difficult nights with Isaac, who is now 2 1/2 years old.
At first we thought he was over-excited by hearing nightly visitors and was thrown out of routine, so we made sure we had people over either before supper or after he had gone to bed. this didn't solve his long, drawn out bedtimes (continuously coming out of his room, us continuously putting him back to bed)
As this continued, we thought maybe he was scared of the dark, having bad dreams, or needed a toy to sleep with (something he has never been into, even though we tried when he was younger)
We turned the bathroom light on, left the door open wider, but nothing helped. His bedtime struggle turned into a through-out the night battle, our compassion waned significantly as he would wake up 2 or 3 times during the night, and would NOT be put back to bed. In the beginning we would stay with him and rub his back till he fell asleep, but as soon as we got up to leave, however deep his sleep was, he would jump up wide awake and the 'routine' would begin all over again. We buckled down and started sticking to the 'super-nanny' routine, making sure we had a good night ritual, lots of snuggles, then bed. After that, short snuggle, goodnight, leave, if he got up again, nothing but a put-back-to-bed and goodnight. No conversation.
There was nothing else to say after this step. Unfortunately for us, it was not 3 times but about 30 times that we were going in and out, literally putting him back in his bed, turning around, barely able to leave before he booked it out screaming like a banshee and we had to put him back in again.
We've gone to about every desparate measure, while still sticking to our guns that we won't buckle in and let him just sleep in our bed or us sleeping in his. Which we realize will ultimately make things worse.
Where we are at now is warning him that we will close his door if he gets out of bed again so he can't come out, and moving Rosie to the toyroom playpen to sleep so she is not bothered by 'the Hulk' impression that emerges after the inevitable closing of the door. (Seriously. It is unbelievable how much energy he puts into these episodes, it sounds like a 300 lb gorilla given an energy drink is locked in there.)
All the experts say just stick to the routine, don't participate in conversation, and be consistent.
This is all easy enough the first 10 times, but when it is the second time of the night at 3am and the clock starts ticking closer and closer to 6am, this kind of rationality is next to impossible. The reason we are resorting to locking the door is not so much as a kind of punishment, but really for his safety as WE are starting to lose our minds and our self-control.
We love Isaac completely and unconditionally, but I am shocked at myself for some of the ideas my brain comes up with to solve this problem in my sleep-deprived, third-trimester brain, some of them downright childish! (maybe if I pinch him really hard...)
I think one of the main contributing factors to this behaviour has been extreme fatigue on his part, he simply is not getting enough sleep and there's nothing we can do about it, the battle that ensues trying to 'force' him to sleep simply seems to give him more adrenaline to keep going. Nap-time has been unheard of for awhile now, although mid-week Eric put him down and SOMEHOW he fell asleep about half an hour later, AND stayed in his room (with warning of the door being closed if he didn't stay in his bed) That following night he was only up once for an hour, it was amazing. So I am convinced that he still does need his afternoon nap. Currently I haven't checked but it is awfully quiet in his room (door open! After having a fit for closing it the first time) so I think he just might be napping, then we will see how the night goes!
Thank HEAVENS for Eric who has the calmest attitude towards the whole thing, somehow he is able to almost completely disconnect during the nightly episodes and Isaac gives in in a lot shorter time than when I am on the job.
If anyone reading this has other ideas, stories, or tips on how to handle this 'stage' as I've heard it's been called, (though nothing I have read or heard about even compares to this) Please do share!!
I also read that this 'waking' stage at about 2-3 years generally works itself out in 1-3(?!) weeks, so we may have a bit more work ahead of us. I will update when we reach the end! Isaac is a good kid, it's really hard to see him going through this and how strict we have to be with him...
They say strong-willed kids make amazing leaders and strong characters, At this rate and if handled correctly, it's lookin' like Isaac could successfully run a country or two in about 25 years!
Oh... my Tessa... I only just read this now even though you had mentioned you've been having trouble with the little 'darling'...
ReplyDeleteyou ARE doing the right follow through...
and you ARE NOT a 'bad mommy' for wanting to hurt the little bugger when your sleep deprivation makes you absolutely crazy-in-the-head.
Trying rewards for staying in his bed? (another friend of mine has the same issue with her 3 yr old currently...)
Stickers each night he stays in bed and a reward at the end of the week?
hang in there.
xoxoxo love you!